


sometimes she thinks she sees him

by hanleiasolo



Series: what never changes feels most new [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, One Shot, Post-Reynolds Pamphlet, i love this, its the same story but it's eliza, the one where alexander and eliza actually divorce but from her pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:57:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8325151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanleiasolo/pseuds/hanleiasolo
Summary: The interesting thing about the whole situation, Eliza thought, was that she still loved him even at the beginning of the end, when she was tender and raw and betrayal was still a new dance she was learning. At the beginning, she didn’t want to leave. Now, a few years later, she still regrets her decision.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this just flew out of my ass but i dig it, it's interesting. i know a lot of people wanted a sequel to "i don't want to leave" like what happens after they meet but instead I wrote Eliza's POV of the first story instead so I hope you really like this instead! you don't necessarily need to read "i don't want to leave" first but it might help you. follow my tumblr @falloutswift for fic stuff and shitposting. thank u for reading i luv u all

Sometimes she thinks she sees him. Sometimes she thinks she sees him scurrying through the streets. She thinks he’s probably late to the office again. He hasn’t gotten enough sleep and he was running late. Running out of time. Then again, he never gets enough sleep. 

Sometimes she thinks she sees him through the house, though it’s been years since he’s stepped foot in it. His feet haven’t touched the wood flooring in years. Sometimes she thinks he’s just up the stairs, dealing with their children who weren’t even that young anymore. They had grown older. So had she. Sometimes she thinks he’s on the couch, taking a power nap before powering through a miraculous amount of work she can barely comprehend. Or maybe he’s in his study, typing for hours on end until his fingers are cramped and he can barely manage to get another sentence out. Sometimes she would type for him so he could just finish. So he could take a break. 

Maybe he was still running late to the office. Maybe his sleeping pattern has bettered itself, or maybe it’s worsened. But she knew that his study was not his study anymore. She knew he wasn’t sitting on the couch because she bought a new one when he moved out. She knew his footprints wouldn’t be on the floor because she washed it, and the entirety of the house, to keep her mind off of the inevitable loneliness she constantly experienced after she left him. 

After the divorce finalized, and he gave her everything she could ever imagine, he moved out of the house. Sometimes Philip would take the kids and visit him on weekends. She thought the whole family had a secret plan to make sure Eliza never saw Alexander again after what he did to her. For a man who had fought for everything throughout his entire life, she was shocked to see how easily he had let this go. Let her go. He didn’t want to fight this, fight her, fight for her or for this, even though she didn’t want to leave. Even though she repeated like a mantra that she didn’t want to leave. Even though she left anyways. 

She just was going through the motions of what someone in her situation was supposed to do. She didn’t want to leave, but Angelica wanted her to, and Peggy wanted her to, and her parents expected her to, and the news outlets already reported days in advance of her decision that she left him the previous week. Eliza was notoriously known as the Good Girl, always doing what was expected of her. Why should this situation be any different? 

He cheated on her, with a younger woman, but she still loved him. He hurt her tremendously, but she still cared for him. He tied a noose around her neck and hanged her vulnerable for the whole world to see, but she would have hanged there, bucket barely kicked under her, if it meant that she would still come down in the end. If it meant that she still loved him in the end. But she left when she didn’t want to leave. She unwillingly took her last breath and let the rope take hold of her instead of fighting for her right to live. 

The interesting thing about the whole situation, Eliza thought, was that she still loved him even at the beginning of the end, when she was tender and raw and betrayal was still a new dance she was learning. At the beginning, she didn’t want to leave. Now, a few years later, she still regrets her decision. 

She learned to not think of him too often, or too fondly. But she can’t help but think of him when she really looks at her children and remembers that they are half him, or when she remembers where Alex Jr.’s namesake comes from. But today, she thinks of him when she sees him walking the opposite way on the sidewalk. She thinks of him when he makes eye contact with her, and when he hurries into a Starbucks to avoid her. He hates Starbucks. 

Perhaps it was fate, or maybe just a coincidence, that they were out at the same time, on the same sidewalk, in the same part of New York City. 

She tried to absorb his face, what it looked like now. She tried to memorize the stress lines on his forehead, the bags underneath his eyes, the way his eyes lit up when he realized who he saw. When he realized it was Eliza. She needed to talk to him, but she didn’t know how to get away from her company. Her daughter and her sister. The Angelicas. 

The Angelicas and her were supposed to be shopping all morning but now all Eliza wanted to do was follow Alexander into the Starbucks and whisk him elsewhere to catch up with him. She knew she had to create a diversion to get them away, if only for a little while. 

She thought it would be harder to do so, but they were happy to leave her behind while they got a head start to the next store they were going to. Eliza just said she wanted some coffee. They easily went their separate ways, promising to meet up with each other soon. Eliza knew the shopping district like the back of her hand, and she supposedly wouldn’t be long in Starbucks. She didn’t know how the meeting with Alexander would go, though. She didn’t know if there would even be one.

She walked off to the side of the sidewalk, stopping in front of Starbucks, her back to the window. She was beginning to build her courage up, thinking about what she would even say. It has been years since she last saw him. She couldn’t decide whether to apologize or not. Does she tell him she loves him still? Is that proper conversation for this type of meeting? 

Before Eliza could even enter the Starbucks, she sees Alexander creep out. He moves his head slowly, looking for any signs of her or Angelica, her sister, or Angelica, their daughter. Little did he know that she was still here, about to talk to him. Unless he didn’t want to talk to her. What if he didn’t want to talk to her? What if she tried talking to him and he said he didn’t want to ever see her again? 

He found her standing a few feet away from him, and his eyes widened. He looked like he was trying to make up his mind, whether to talk to her or not. She gasped and looked away from him, scared at what would happened next. When she looked back up, he had started to walk the other way, continuing his walk to his office, presumably. Her mind overtook her body, moving for her, working her way to get to him before he was too far gone. Before he was swallowed into the crowd and she could never find him again. 

Before she knew it, her arm outstretched to grab his wrist, jerking him back to her. He fought it, trying to get his wrist out of her grasp. He finally turned around to face her, and upon realizing it was just her, he relaxed. He let her pull them to the side of the sidewalk, and they just dumbly stared at each other, not knowing what to say to each other. After all of these years, they were finally together, and they couldn’t even utter a sound. 

Her hand slid down into his hand, and he held it, just as they held hands when they were together. Something about it felt natural, felt normal. It felt right. It felt like something she missed. 

“Eliza,” he breathed. 

“Alexander,” she spoke his name like it was a sin. It was like a foreign word to her. She liked how it sounded, though. She liked how it fit in her mouth. 

Sometimes she thinks she sees him, even now that he’s in front of her. She just couldn’t fathom that this was real. 


End file.
